From the outset, it might not appear that a lot of has been happening in my life as of late. Truthfully, that could not be more wrong. My world has been spinning- a myriad of new souls have greeted me, I am finding more purpose and drive, and overall, I am feeling more me in my skin than ever before.
Let me start with the most important piece: I am so damn grateful. I'm not sure what I have done to deserve what I have gotten out of this life but I do know that I am so appreciative of it all.
There was a moment in the past few weeks that I accepted a new position with an agency that helped patients in a local hospital find health insurance coverage for long-term treatments as well as procedures/operations that they were needing done. I was excited about the opportunity to help people in a serious time of need. I was thrilled to have weekends off, to have benefits, and an office and a title. Upon reflecting, I realized none of those things are as important to me as I thought and that taking the job was a gamble of sorts. Although it could have been good 'professional' experience, it would not have moved me in the direction of my dreams. At Sir Ben's, my current employer, I get to be excited to go to work every single day. I get to learn from my boss and team members. I get to spend most of my time connecting with human beings, some of which are at their best times and others of whom are struggling immensely. I get to be on my feet and move. I get to represent a successful, small, local business. I am learning about business ownership and how far innovation can carry you. Was it really worth the risk of not finding any of these things in a new job? Was being in the healthcare industry a deliberate move in my chessboard of life or did it just have good curb appeal? I spent some serious hours writing this all out- spelling out my priorities and goals in life. Needless to say, I ended up declining the position with the title and benefits and what most would consider a great job. I am proud of the direction my life is heading and sometimes that means saying no to a dozen good opportunities and waiting to say yes to a great one. I want to own a business and I want to always be in control of my life, not taking orders from a corporate lineage of faceless people or doing what society deems glamorous. I am proud to say that I had some sort of hand in moving my life in this way. I am always remembering that the world does not owe us happiness, which is a quiet reminder that I am in charge of this. It absolutely does not matter what the world thinks of my potential and status. What matters is the energy level I am able to be at in my work. Am I excited? Inspired? Most importantly, am I growing? Right now I can say yes to all of those and to me that's what matters most.
On the same beat, I have been reading and learning at an excellent pace. I have a new life mantra and that is A. To be the best me I can be and B. To always remember that people are doing the best they can given their life circumstances. It is a simple guiding principle that is applicable to every decision that I make and every experience that I have. Everything becomes clearer and simpler when you have one thing to turn to, always. To say, 'be the best Taylor,' does not make me feel pressured to be the most successful or the wealthiest or the prettiest. It simply means that I should always put my best foot forward and follow my body's guidance. Listen carefully. Feel my body and soul and give it what it wants and needs to perform. Put myself in positions that I get to use my strengths. Be genuine and show compassion and interest in others. Express myself. This is not a 'one size fits all' mantra. It is encouragement and it is optimistic and it implies continuous growth and change.
I am ready to greet these winter months with adventure, exploration, and creativity. This is my time of year to be cozy and read wonderful things and plan and travel and make candles and wood-burn and draw and lay under my blankets with no clothes. I know that these winter months get long and at times are very dark, but let's be serious: this is our time to be and find ourselves. For me, this my chance to be deliberate in the living the life I dream of. What does that look like? Happiness, warmth, wisdom, connection, strategy, learning.
A piece from my journal, "Searching for happiness can be a giant waterslide- it will take you along twists and turns and you'll get cold and wet and there will be nowhere to go but down. It might consume you. And isn't that the irony of it all? That you're happiest when you're carefree and doing what is right to you, in your heart, for your soul. That's the key. Don't overthink it."
Cheers.