Re-entering the arena

Let’s just say that this has been a long time coming!

I have been called to this blog off and on since I moved to Vermilion in 2016. If I’m being really honest, I have doubted my ability to be creative since then. There was something about living in Duluth that made me feel carefree and alive and after leaving the city this online space felt far away and intimidating. When I moved here, I poured myself into a job that I loved and this naturally took the back burner. After the job turned into something ‘not so great’ I still wasn’t able to turn back here and feel good about it. Since then, I’m happy to report that I have turned over new leaves, jumped into a new career, became a mom, deepened my friendships, spent hundreds of hours outdoors, read great books, set ambitious goals and achieved them, and basically everything EXCEPT take on a creative personal project.

It can be odd to love where you are at, mourn where you were, and also try to mold the two together to create something new and authentic. I often ask myself how can I be so different? But I’m just the same, aren’t I? And really, who cares? I know I don’t have to define myself or re-ignite who I was. I am and always have just been me: Taylor Jane.

I have craved giving this little website a fresh spin. So here I am, now. Better late than never. I loved blogging before and it felt very intuitive and I want that back. I have zero expectations for myself other than to JUST HAVE FUN! I want to speak my mind and show my heart. So welcome! I promise to share journal entries, love letters, photos I adore, and any little things that I’m inspired about. I am excited and to my invisible audience I say, ‘thank you for tagging along.’

A quote that I love from Brene Brown that I am offering to myself and any lingering fears or insecurities: “If you are not in the arena getting your ass kicked on occasion, I am not interested in or open to your feedback. There are a million cheap seats in the world today filled with people who will never be brave with their own lives, but will spend every ounce of energy they have hurling advice and judment at those of us trying to dare greatly. Their only contributions are criticism, cynicism, and fear-mongering. If you’re criticizing from a place where you’re not also putting yourself on the line, I’m not interested in your feedback.”

Scared

Written August 17th, 2019

When I think back on the last few years, I realize that I have found tremendous joy in the things that I was terrified to take on. I can see clearly that those decisions I made when feeling the most anxious and scared, were really the prizes in life. Truth be told, I’m in love with the idea of living scared.

Let’s be clear. When I say scared,I do not mean being fearful of life in a sense that you are in danger or even that the consequences are very high. I just mean being uncomfortable and having the outcome of a move or a decision be uncertain. I’m smirking just thinking of it. Here are few examples:

-Once I moved onboard a 63 ft yacht with a 74 and 81 year old couple that I’d met once, over lunch for 45 minutes. Although that’s a large boat, that is a tiny living space for strangers. 6 weeks on the vessel and the most beautiful friendship evolved. I would go so far as to say that I have never been taught more lessons, that I think about daily, in such a brief time.

-At 22, I traveled to Maine, by road, with a boy that I’d hung out with for the first time a week and a half prior. I’d quit my job a week before and therefore had no source of income, no hurry to return back, and very disappointed father. Let’s just say that I had a bit of independence rolling through my veins. Now, five years later I am still in a relationship with said boy and not only that, but we live and manage a million dollar business, but own another business, have a dog, and are best friends.

-Once I bought a business off of Craigslist- a small coffee shop kiosk in my favorite city. I spent a winter sipping coffee and tea whilst meeting some of the finest people i now know.

These are just big examples, a few of many times where great risk brought great reward. I think when we go with our gut and take chances, we will be rewarded with the thrill but also the beautiful outcomes.

Life is a ride.

Take care.

Impact

Tomorrow I wrap up a 10-day long adventure out west. Let's just say that absolutely nothing went according to plan, but it was magic nonetheless. 

The main point of this trip was to make it to the west coast to rekindle my best friend love with Taylor Numedahl. Unfortunately, the blizzards and consequential road conditions disagreed. So, we stopped less than half way and made camp in Montana. With over 20" of snow while we were here, it was a good chance to cozy up and explore. I've had many chances to reflect this week, while reconnecting with Lee & Lynda, my other two heart-throb friends and having been engulfed in full-time conversation with my love. Here's my road-trip reminders:

1. Love the road bumps. I should have realized that a road trip in the winter months would bring more unexpected delays than usual, but I've learned to find beauty in the unexpected. I could have been completely devestated about not making it to Seattle, but I chose to embrace the space I landed in.

2. Relationships matter. If you know me well, you'll know how big of an impact my friend's Lee & Lynda have had in my life. They are in their mid-seventies and are self-proclaimed, 'old hippies.' What I admire most in them is their constant state of giving back and empathizing with others. They lead carefree lives filled with stories, laughter, and insight. When I get to spend time around them, they bring so much light to my life by reminding me of what's important, to not take life too seriously, and to dive in to the unknown even if you're scared.  I applaud them for just being themselves and reconnecting with them reassures me to nurture those great, fill-you-up relationships that we only stumble upon now and again.

3. Intentional Refresh. It's always been important for me to take time to slow down and reconnect. Sometimes life just gets busy and you forget about how important this is.  Thinking about goals, gratitude, and breathing some fresh air is rejuvenating in the best way. I must say that despite the freezing temperatures, it was a lovely feeling to see my breath in the mountains and knowing that that space was untouched by me until this point in life. 

Now it's time to get back into the holiday spirit at home with the family. Cheers to the next adventure coming soon.

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